Responsible Journalism

The following article was on the front page of Greeley's newspaper, The Greeley Tribune, the other day.

Gnome Thefts All About Freedom

The Front Page.

Now I have had my doubts about the level of sophistication about this publication before, mainly because they did a small, small piece on my NaNoWriMo efforts, and misquoted me. But with a rash of gnome thefts making front page news I am officially concerned as to the state of my city and its primary news publication.

One particular quote from the above article really scares me:

"Last week, rural Greeley resident Elsie Schnorr reported that 30 of her garden gnomes were stolen in two separate trips by the thieves."

Thirty of her garden gnomes? That implies that she has MORE than THIRTY garden gnomes. Who are these people? I didn't even know what a garden gnome was until I saw Amelie, and still, I seriously question the purpose of having one garden gnome, let alone upwards of thirty.

I as much for random acts of thievery as the next guy and could even see myself swiping a gnome off a lawn... but thirty? The logistics of that are just mind-boggling. How does one transport such a gaggle of gnomes? And more importantly, what does one do with them after one has "liberated" them?

Seriously, I need to know.

I want my trunk space back.