Press "One" for Desperate

So the other day, I did a "phone interview" with PetCo. That's a lie, actually I spent about 20 minutes pressing buttons answering inane questions being asked by the robotic woman who used to work for the phone company.

It was not as frustrating as I am making it out to be, it was really quite funny. I don't understand how anyone could fail this part of the selection process when required to answer questions like these:

• "In the past year how many times have you used any of the drugs known as cocaine, crack, ice, speed, LSD, smack horse or blow on the job?"
• "In the past year how much money have you taken from your workplace without permission?"
• "In the past year how many times have you found yourself in shouting matches with coworkers or customers during working hours?"
• "In the past year, how many times have you found yourself in a physical shoving match at your place of employment?"

Sadly this is the biggest development in my search for a new job... and as of yet I haven't heard anything from PetCo... I know I shouldn't have punched that old lady.. but she wanted a thong, what would you have done? I mean seriously?

With wide open availability,
Sancho